Coping with serious illness

A diagnosis that turns life upside down, a long treatment, or someone you love suffering in front of you while you can't take the pain away. A serious illness doesn't only wear out the body; it wears out the heart, and changes your days, your plans and your relationships. If you're on this road, this page is for you.

If you are the one who is ill

It's natural to feel fear, anger, or grief for your life as it used to be. And it's just as natural to have good days without feeling guilty about them.

Ask your doctor everything you want to know, and write your questions down before the appointment. Understanding eases part of the fear.

If you're caring for someone you love

Caring for someone is a great act of love, but it's exhausting. You may feel worn out, and then guilty for being tired. That doesn't mean you love them any less.

You can't give from an empty cup; your rest is part of their care.

What helps on the long road

• Accept help when it's offered, and say exactly what you need: an errand, a meal, an hour of rest.
• Take it one day at a time, and don't carry the worry of all the months ahead in a single night.
• Look for support groups for people with the same illness or for their families; you'll find people who understand without explanations.
• Keep one small thing that's just for you: a prayer, a walk, a book, a call with a friend.

When should you ask for mental health support?

If sadness or anxiety is keeping you from sleeping, eating or following your treatment, ask your doctor to refer you to a mental health professional. Many hospitals offer emotional support for patients and their families.

Write — there are people who understand

On “i am sad” you write about your illness, or the illness of someone you love, with no name, and people from all over the world read it, some of whom have walked the same road, and reply to you in your language.