Coping with grief and loss

Losing someone we love is one of the hardest things a person can go through. Whether you've lost a parent, a child, a friend, or a relationship that was your whole world, the grief you feel is the other side of love. The greater the love, the heavier the grief.

There's no one right way to grieve

Grief doesn't move in a straight line. You may feel okay for days, and then the wave comes back suddenly because of a smell, a song, or a date on the calendar. That's normal, and it doesn't mean you've gone backwards.

No one has the right to tell you when you should “move on.” Everyone has their own time.

What you may feel

• Shock or numbness, as if what happened isn't real.
• Anger at yourself, at others, or at life itself.
• Guilt and endless questions: “If only I had…”
• Deep exhaustion, forgetfulness, and trouble concentrating.
• Longing that comes at moments you don't expect.

What helps on the hard days

• Take care of the basics first: sleep, food, and water. Grief wears out the body before the mind.
• Talk about the person you lost. Say their name and share your memories of them. Staying silent about them doesn't ease the pain.
• Let yourself cry, and let yourself laugh too, without feeling guilty.
• Do something in their name: a donation, a prayer, planting a tree, a letter you write to them.
• Avoid making big decisions in the first weeks if you can.

When should you ask a professional for help?

If months have passed and you still can't manage your daily life, or you're withdrawing from everyone, talk to a doctor or a mental health professional. And if you have thoughts of joining the person you lost or of hurting yourself, ask for help right away using the numbers at the bottom of this page.

You don't have to carry this alone

On “i am sad” you write about your loss with no name, and people from all over the world read it, many of whom have been through the same loss, and reply to you in your language.